You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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