Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
