wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we made out on top of his cat.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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