i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
