When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
