there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
