Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
