Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
