I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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