So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
