hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
