Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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