guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Found the puke drawer
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
