Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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