Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
