It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
