Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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