She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
