Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
