The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
