Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize