making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
