i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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