i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
