There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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