Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
