I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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