These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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