Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
