I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
