I think I died a long time ago.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
