I hate all girls vehemently.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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