I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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