So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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