TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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