just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
