Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize