At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize