i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
