my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
