y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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