I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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