He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
