South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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