If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
