i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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