I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Holy shit dude........stairs
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize