We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She announced her abortion via fbk
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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