Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
