it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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