Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
