It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
