so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
