If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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