Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
