I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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