He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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