nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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