dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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