Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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