so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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