There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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