Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
