dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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