i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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