awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
