Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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