One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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