You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
