it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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