I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
