I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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