God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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