FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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