I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
