69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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