I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
