When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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