whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
