I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
did you just send me my own nude
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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