its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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