My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize