mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
