ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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